


Side Project: Aziraphale's List of Lies

by megzseattle



Series: The Serpent and the Seagull Outtakes [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Developing Relationship, Humor, M/M, aziraphale is good at lying, chaotic little angel, this chapter truly is in the slow burn period so I'm finally going to use slow burn on this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 19:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20894822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megzseattle/pseuds/megzseattle
Summary: Aziraphale does some soul searching and accumulates a list of all the times he remembers lying to Crowley.





	Side Project: Aziraphale's List of Lies

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Tell Me Lies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766059) by [megzseattle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/megzseattle/pseuds/megzseattle). 

> I'm not sure I will ever complete this -- but here are the first twenty-five entries from Aziraphale's list of lies. 
> 
> This references the contents of [Tell Me Lies](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766059) and won't make much sense if you haven't read it. [Start here if you need to catch up.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20766059)

_In the year of our lord 2021, month of January, Monday the 18th. The following are the scurrilous and scandalous lies of the Principality Aziraphale, as told to the demon Crowley. I hereby attest that I have spoken untruths to the aforementioned demon on these occasions -- _

1\. Outside of Eden – told Crowley I heard suspicious noises nearby so he would go investigate; wanted a few moments alone to calm my breathing and the strange flutter in my stomach. 

2\. Mesopotamia – told Crowley that God had never mentioned the sword again, although she did, in fact, make enquiries of me. 

3\. Mesopotamia – told Crowley I liked the date wine he brought me. I did not care for it. 

4\. Mesopotamia – during an argument, told Crowley that I blamed him for Cain’s actions several hundred years prior; was simply angry and knew it wasn’t his fault. 

5\. Mesopotamia – told Crowley that the remaining unicorn would be able to reproduce asexually; did not want him to be sad. 

6\. Egypt -- told Crowley I understood the newly developed decimal system. Did not. 

7\. Egypt – claimed to have no hand in the snake being added to the hieroglyphic alphabet; directly inspired the scribe who did so. Thought it added panache. 

8\. Egypt – inspired the use of pleats in New Kingdom men’s fashion; denied it when pressed. Would have made them tartan if I’d dared. 

9\. China -- told Crowley that the newly-invented ice cream was partially blessed and could be dangerous to demons; ate his instead to “save” him from harm. 

10\. China -- pretended not to notice Crowley at the Emperor’s palace in order to observe him instead. Watched him for an hour. Told myself I was preventing “wiles.” This was not true. 

11\. China -- said I was not involved in the placement of various serpents on pottery decoration from the current regime. Actually influenced the artists to do so, multiple times. 

12\. India -- lied implicitly when I said good riddance to Crowley after an argument. Was not happy to see him go. 

13\. India -- denied I was the source of a kindness to save Crowley from an angry village mob. Trying to save face for him as we were not getting along at the time. 

14\. India -- admitted when pressed that I saved his life from previously mentioned angry mob; however, made up a bureaucratic reason that forced me to do so in order to save self from tremendous inconvenience. Really just did not want him to come to harm. 

15\. South America -- said that I had not posed for one of the large Olmec head sculptures; in truth did not like how the likeness turned out, but I was the model. 

16\. South America -- made spurious claims about the characteristics of the Olmec feathered serpent god under the influence of cacao – was making it all up to impress Crowley. 

17\. South America -- pretended I intended to end up on the top of a tree while under the influence of cacao because I was “protecting the locals”. No idea how I ended up there. 

18\. South America -- stated that the spider which bit me was in no way poisonous, and snuck off to remove the poison from my system out of sight before asphyxiation set in. 

19\. South America -- told Crowley that I did not “mess around with” the Olmec king and that I had no idea why he kept calling me “angel”. Neither was factual. 

20\. South America -- stated that I had been away on local business for the past three days when in fact I had been asleep in a fermented-cacao-fueled bender beneath a large bush for most of that time. 

21\. South America -- told Crowley I had no recollection of kissing his cheek while under the influence of cacao. Pretended offense. Actually remembered it quite clearly. 

22\. South America -- denied my feelings

23\. South America -- insinuated that cacao was a product of demonic influence. Aware it was just a plant. 

24\. South America -- denied my feelings, rather rudely

25\. South America -- stated that I was swearing off cacao forever after acting like an idiot for nearly a fortnight; secretly brought a bag full of it home with me.

**Author's Note:**

> I get the feeling I need to write the South America story this all refers to. :) 
> 
> This is the Olmec head Aziraphale posed for. [It's the only smiling one I've ever seen. ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/rutinka/3414172666)


End file.
